As my group of eight beautiful middle school girls scattered behind the blue curtains of the shoebox-sized dressing rooms in the pool locker room, I posted myself at the exit door as I waited for them to change. "Ugh, I'm so fat," came a voice from behind one of the curtains. "You are not fat," I retorted. "I used to be so skinny." "You look healthy. Which is exactly what you should be working for. Don't think about trying to be skinny," I suggested. "Make your goal to be healthy and strong." "Isn't skinny the same thing as healthy?" another girl asked. "Not always," I answered. More of the girls started to chime in about how their weight has changed, about what they eat, about the way their stomach looks, about how they hate the way their hair looks after they swim. My gosh, they are only 11-13 years old, I thought. Did I obsess that much about the way I looked when I was their age? I remembered that, yes, I definitely started to care about the way I looked around the time I was in middle school. In 7th grade I started straightening my hair, dabbled in the overwhelming world that is make-up and actually paid attention to what stores my clothes were coming from. I'm not sure if I so boldly verbalized my insecurities as these girls but I absolutely felt them internally, and so started the process of intentionally forming my self-identity. A process that did not end in a positive self-identity until probably only two years ago. In response to an incident a few days before, I only had one rule prior to that day in the locker room: Be kind or be quiet. But after the girls' heart-breaking chatter I added another: No more negative self-talk. I made that rule not only because it was upsetting that they so clearly saw their own flaws when all I saw were capable, talented, and beautifully unique young women; but because my own negative self-talk and thoughts throughout my pre-teen years, teenage years, and early-twenties because of what I thought I was "supposed" to be, landed me in a giant, messy, sticky web of insecurity, doubt, and feelings of "I'll never be good enough" that was so, so incredibly hard to break free from. I only really got rid of that mess and started to love my body when I learned to judge it based on what it could do, not on what it looked like. Although I grew up playing sports and always trying to find a way to be active, I still saw my body as something that should look a certain way as opposed to something that was made to function in a certain way. When I finally understood that, and changed the words I ascribed to myself from negative to positive - from words focused on self-doubt to words focused on my capabilities - it made all the difference. Because we can't always control what we look like, and we really shouldn't try to. But we can control how well our bodies function. We can control how strong we are and we can control the goals we set for ourselves to make our bodies better than they were yesterday - not because we hate our bodies but because we love our bodies. Because we want to be the next better, stronger, faster, healthier version of ourselves. I've been obsessed with Rachel Platten's "Fight Song". Not only because it's the best running song for those moments when I'm on the brink of defeat, but because it's basically every girl's life anthem. In Always' latest #likeagirl campaign video, they found that 72% of girls feel that society limits them in some way. Somewhere along the way we learn what we can and can't do, what we should and shouldn't look or act like because we are women. It's upsetting because sometimes I feel like we've finally almost broken all gender stereotypes but then you listen to the young women around us today and realize that we're still pretty much drowning in the same stereotypes and gender discrimination as when we were that age. So, this one's for my girls. For my camp girls, and for every girl I've coached and taught. Maybe you'll finally be the ones to change the game. Let's hear those fight songs. Those take back your life songs. Those take back our identity songs <3
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After the recent Supreme Court ruling that legalized gay marriage, a prominent Christian leader who's following mainly consists of women in their 20's and late teens posted this on her Instagram: "I always take sides. It's with God or against Him. Black or white. Wrong or right. Simple as that. Take your pick." That post came after another one in which she made is very clear that she does not agree with SCOTUS' ruling and encouraged her followers to live out God's perfect ways and always take a stand for what you believe, even if it's scary to do so. Well, here I am also living out God's perfect ways and taking a stand. Although a very different one than she; because I always take God's side too. Yet, what exactly is "God's side"? I'm certain that her interpretation of what God's side is looks vastly different than mine. The God I've come to know always stands on the side of love and justice. So, the world in black and white? How terrible does that sound? No differences. No ingenuity. No creativity. No color. No diversity in beauty. No inclusivity. Just "this way" or "that way" and if you don't fit then well, sorry. In a black and white world, there exists none of the things that make us want to live this life in the first place. There is no such thing as a black and white world. There can't be. If there was, then life wouldn't be so difficult. There were be a clear right, wrong, and set way to do things and no one would question it. God in black and white isn't a thing either. Whenever my students are engaged in some sort of critical thinking I always remind them to double check their thinking by asking themselves, "Based on what I know about this topic, is my conclusion reasonable?" I don't know about you, but a black and white world does not make reasonable sense based on my own lived experience of life not only in the world but also as a Christ-follower. Neither does a black and white God. My experience with God has been the very opposite of black and white. It has been hard, confusing, and at times full of uncertainty as I wrestle with God in prayer over where He wants me and what He is doing in my life and why. I can say with 100% certainty that many people would say the same.
I'm tired of people trying to make this world a black and white world and our God a black and white God. I'm tired of people being so unwilling to challenge their view of an issue. Do you not realize that this only further marginalizes others? And adds to your own ignorance? We celebrate when people take big bold risks and step out of their comfort zones in faith because we know that's what ultimately makes our faith grow by multitudes. So why are those same people so unwilling to even consider another perspective when it comes to these big issues? If, as a Christian, you care about all people and are seeking to love them as Jesus did yet you are so closed to other perspectives then, well, I'm going to argue that you're doing it wrong. If I'm trying to be a true follower of Jesus then I cannot just see things from my own perspective. It is unjust of me to seek to understand someone else's experience of being human solely from my own limited perspective. It is also unjust of me to form a rock solid opinion on something when I haven't considered all possible options. When I haven't done all possible research. Which is actually kind of impossible now that I think of it. If we are always learning, changing, and growing, there will always be more to discover. Therefore, forming opinions that don't change over time would be unwise. We know that Jesus came for the downtrodden, the marginalized, the ones hated and cast out and harshly judged by society. The ones whom the "elites" of society wouldn't even look at. And we know what Jesus did. He looked at those same people, he LISTENED to them, and then simply said, "Follow me." And yet all week I've read articles from Christians who instead of listening are essentially saying, "No, YOU listen to ME." How can I grow in understanding as I am called to do as a Christ-follower if I decide that one view about something is the "right" view and I won't even so much as glance at something different? As a Christ-follower I am called to grow in my understanding of God and others. So, please let me know if I'm missing something here but I'm pretty sure we can't do that if we hold so tightly onto one school of thought without reaching out to learn from others. Especially those with whom we disagree. We are told to hold fast to what we believe. Well here is what is at the core of what I thought we believed - that Jesus is the son of God. That although he was without sin, He died on a cross for the sins of humanity and then rose again 3 days later. We believe that he is now seated at the right hand of God and that one day he will return. We need to realize that holding fast to anything other than that is problematic. That is the only belief that I'm holding fast to. The only one that I will never sway on. Because how can we hold fast to anything else when everything else but the fact of who Jesus is is ever-changing based on how we progress as a race of humans? We need to start listening more. For the sake of others, ourselves, our faith, and our world. And in light of this week's ruling, it thrills me to be able to conclude that most of us are moving in what I argue to be the right direction. "Right" in this case meaning the direction of love, justice, and understanding. Happy 4th of July weekend. God has certainly blessed America. |
Author4th grade teacher. Writer. Justice-seeker. Encourager. CrossFitter. John 11:40. Archives
July 2017
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