My new 4th graders, Here we are again; at the start of a new school year. New beginnings. New goals. New teachers. New friends. New demands and expectations. It’s a lot to walk into, I know. But I promise that you’ll make it. Just as I did for my students last year, I have prayed for you each by name. I have prayed over our classroom and thus I do not expect a perfect year; for the presence of God does not mean the absence of problems but, I expect a year full of joy-filled trials and triumphs. You need to know that I am not perfect and I don't expect you to be either. But I do expect you to work hard and never give up regardless of how insufficient you feel. I know you're probably nervous; so am I. And yes, before you ask, I'm just as nervous as I was last year. But it's okay. A teacher-friend told me last year that being nervous isn't always a bad thing. It means that I care and that I want to do a good job, because I care about you. "I'd be worried if you weren't nervous!" she exclaimed. Now, I've heard it said and seen it written that nervousness equates to weakness. Let me explain something, nervousness is not weakness. Being nervous will take you down if you let it; but we all have a choice - we can be let ourselves be taken down or we can be brave in the face of fear and confidently (or maybe with uncertainty, that's okay too) press on anyway. Let's all be brave together. If someone still wants to tell me that nervousness is the same thing as weakness then I'll gladly accept that anyway, because I know that when I am weak, I am strong. Recognizing my need forces me to rely on God, to call upon His name when my own strength isn't enough, and also when it is. Therefore, my perceived weakness is neither a deficit nor an obstacle but rather a way to for God to be glorified and for me to grow within my own humanity. Truth be told, I am not ready for you. I feel as if I am but when I really think about it, how could I be? I don't know you. Our room is set-up (mostly) and month one of our daily lessons are planned but I would be doing myself a disservice if I convinced myself that I am ready to teach you. I’m ready to celebrate your successes with you, give you consequences when you need them, and second chance after second chance because there is not one part of me that doesn’t already believe in you, or isn’t ready to see the good in you despite what unwise choices you might decide to make. My new friends, I learned a lot last year. Here’s what I would tell myself around this time last year if I could time travel: 1. Kelly, you can be as “ready” as humanly possible but you won't know what to do until you've met and grown to really know each little one in your care. 2. Have high standards, not expectations. A pastor at your church told you this a few years ago in regard to relationships but you didn’t really understand the difference until now. I think he meant that people will fall short of your expectations more than they will meet them. Expectations should be something that change as the relationship, friendship, etc grows. Over time we learn what to expect from people. Standards; however, are more akin to goals. Have high standards for your students and be sure they know what their end goal is, but give them grace, and re-adjust your expectations if they fall short of them on the way to meeting your standards. 3. You’ll probably be wrong more than you’ll be right. Own it, and apologize when necessary. 4. There are times when kids just need to be kids. Let them. Let them “just be kids” more than you think is necessary. 5. Sometimes the way you do something or handle a certain situation won’t make sense to others. It’s okay. Trust yourself. Trust your God. Be confident in knowing that He chose you, not someone else, for that moment because you have been uniquely gifted to handle it in just the way that you are. There are probably about 10 other lessons I learned that I can’t currently put words to but nevertheless, all of those lessons above are going to help me be a better teacher for you. Although “better” most certainly does not mean “the best”. I'm not trying to be the best, nor do I want to be. I'm not in competition with anyone else. I just want to be best version of myself this year so that I can be exactly what you need. You don't need a teacher who's trying to be better than everyone else, you just need a teacher who really sees you, and does what's best for you, not what's best for herself. I learned that last year too. This year, I don't want you to strive to be the best either. Yes, I know that’s not what most people would say, but hear me out. I don't want you to try to be better than your classmates around you, or your friends in other classes. I just want you to be better than you were the year before, the week before, the day before. I don't want you to compete with the kids around you; rather, I want you to be encouraging and supportive to help build one another up to be better than they were the day before too. In my classroom, it's not every man for himself. We're all in this together. See you soon, Ms. Frazee
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Currently I’ve landed, a bit shellshocked, in a place where I’m under the delusion that EVERYTHING needs my attention. EVERYTHING needs an answer, and it is absolutely imperative that all of the everythings happen right. now.
I don’t know if it’s because over the last month I’ve sorted through some major changes in a few areas of my life or if it’s just one of those fleeting seasons where everything it just happening all at once and it doesn’t seem like life is ever going to relent. Whatever is going on, it can get overwhelming. But, as I sit in stillness to sort of all of the pieces in what will probably prove to be a vain attempt to adequately assemble them; I realize that I have also landed directly in the center of one of the only things I’ve felt called to my entire life. Now, by landed, I mean wrestled, fought, doubted but finally followed God headfirst into where I am right now. Then proceeded to wrestle, fight, and doubt some more - as expected. For as long as I can remember I’ve always wanted to be two things: a teacher, and a mom. Right now, I am one of those things - and then some. I am a teacher, a coach, counselor, mentor. By His unmerited grace alone, God has allowed me to have far more influence than I ever even asked for or wanted. I have been nowhere near perfect in any of those roles but He knew that from the start and yet, He drew me to every one of those endeavors with a pull that I couldn’t, and still can’t, deny. Every person he has entrusted to my influence makes me believe in the goodness of our God, the vast, undeserved trust He has in me, and the part I play within the greater web of humanity. Yet, lately I’ve found myself forgetting about all of those things I just wrote and instead I’ve been wanting more. More recognition, different parts to play, different - I don’t know, just a change from where I am. I’m not sure if ungratefulness, doubt, discontent, or a lack of belief in what I’ve been currently called to has settled in my heart. Maybe a combination of all of those. On top of change, and feeling overwhelmed by #allofthethings, my faith has also been stuck in the worst desert-like place for months. When reading Ephesians 1 a few nights ago in a desperate attempt to get back to the kind of faith I once had, my heart stopped and embraced verses 17-19 like I’ve never set eyes on these words before. Which honestly, maybe I hadn’t. In this portion of his letter, Paul wrote to the people of Ephasus, “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.” Check. Mate. In the midst of this season that I was/am in, what I needed and still need most was wisdom and revelation through the Spirit. More than that I needed my heart to be softened, and opened again, reminded of the hope that I have been called to. I needed to believe again that I have a glorious inheritance through my belief in Christ. More than even all of that, I needed to know God again, and I needed to know Him better than I ever have before. Moreover, I needed to believe again in myself and the place that God has me in right now. Beyond that I needed to believe again that He made me, that He has and will continue to sustain me and carry me and rescue me - when I invite him to. Those verses turned into my only prayer that night. A day later, I found my eyes open to the goodness of what I’ve been entrusted with in my life right now, and confident in the hope I have of my days beyond this one. I am done believing the lie that there’s something missing in my life, or that what God has given me right now is not nearly enough. Because this week, God has shown me that in the midst of the great uncertainty I’m facing over various aspects of my life, He has already come through in other parts of that very same life to show me that I can be trusted, that I am able to make wise decisions, and that hope renders me capable of doing so with grace, patience, and peace. Scripture is powerful. God answers prayer. He does not delay. |
Author4th grade teacher. Writer. Justice-seeker. Encourager. CrossFitter. John 11:40. Archives
July 2017
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