As my group of eight beautiful middle school girls scattered behind the blue curtains of the shoebox-sized dressing rooms in the pool locker room, I posted myself at the exit door as I waited for them to change. "Ugh, I'm so fat," came a voice from behind one of the curtains. "You are not fat," I retorted. "I used to be so skinny." "You look healthy. Which is exactly what you should be working for. Don't think about trying to be skinny," I suggested. "Make your goal to be healthy and strong." "Isn't skinny the same thing as healthy?" another girl asked. "Not always," I answered. More of the girls started to chime in about how their weight has changed, about what they eat, about the way their stomach looks, about how they hate the way their hair looks after they swim. My gosh, they are only 11-13 years old, I thought. Did I obsess that much about the way I looked when I was their age? I remembered that, yes, I definitely started to care about the way I looked around the time I was in middle school. In 7th grade I started straightening my hair, dabbled in the overwhelming world that is make-up and actually paid attention to what stores my clothes were coming from. I'm not sure if I so boldly verbalized my insecurities as these girls but I absolutely felt them internally, and so started the process of intentionally forming my self-identity. A process that did not end in a positive self-identity until probably only two years ago. In response to an incident a few days before, I only had one rule prior to that day in the locker room: Be kind or be quiet. But after the girls' heart-breaking chatter I added another: No more negative self-talk. I made that rule not only because it was upsetting that they so clearly saw their own flaws when all I saw were capable, talented, and beautifully unique young women; but because my own negative self-talk and thoughts throughout my pre-teen years, teenage years, and early-twenties because of what I thought I was "supposed" to be, landed me in a giant, messy, sticky web of insecurity, doubt, and feelings of "I'll never be good enough" that was so, so incredibly hard to break free from. I only really got rid of that mess and started to love my body when I learned to judge it based on what it could do, not on what it looked like. Although I grew up playing sports and always trying to find a way to be active, I still saw my body as something that should look a certain way as opposed to something that was made to function in a certain way. When I finally understood that, and changed the words I ascribed to myself from negative to positive - from words focused on self-doubt to words focused on my capabilities - it made all the difference. Because we can't always control what we look like, and we really shouldn't try to. But we can control how well our bodies function. We can control how strong we are and we can control the goals we set for ourselves to make our bodies better than they were yesterday - not because we hate our bodies but because we love our bodies. Because we want to be the next better, stronger, faster, healthier version of ourselves. I've been obsessed with Rachel Platten's "Fight Song". Not only because it's the best running song for those moments when I'm on the brink of defeat, but because it's basically every girl's life anthem. In Always' latest #likeagirl campaign video, they found that 72% of girls feel that society limits them in some way. Somewhere along the way we learn what we can and can't do, what we should and shouldn't look or act like because we are women. It's upsetting because sometimes I feel like we've finally almost broken all gender stereotypes but then you listen to the young women around us today and realize that we're still pretty much drowning in the same stereotypes and gender discrimination as when we were that age. So, this one's for my girls. For my camp girls, and for every girl I've coached and taught. Maybe you'll finally be the ones to change the game. Let's hear those fight songs. Those take back your life songs. Those take back our identity songs <3
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Author4th grade teacher. Writer. Justice-seeker. Encourager. CrossFitter. John 11:40. Archives
July 2017
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