After the recent Supreme Court ruling that legalized gay marriage, a prominent Christian leader who's following mainly consists of women in their 20's and late teens posted this on her Instagram: "I always take sides. It's with God or against Him. Black or white. Wrong or right. Simple as that. Take your pick." That post came after another one in which she made is very clear that she does not agree with SCOTUS' ruling and encouraged her followers to live out God's perfect ways and always take a stand for what you believe, even if it's scary to do so. Well, here I am also living out God's perfect ways and taking a stand. Although a very different one than she; because I always take God's side too. Yet, what exactly is "God's side"? I'm certain that her interpretation of what God's side is looks vastly different than mine. The God I've come to know always stands on the side of love and justice. So, the world in black and white? How terrible does that sound? No differences. No ingenuity. No creativity. No color. No diversity in beauty. No inclusivity. Just "this way" or "that way" and if you don't fit then well, sorry. In a black and white world, there exists none of the things that make us want to live this life in the first place. There is no such thing as a black and white world. There can't be. If there was, then life wouldn't be so difficult. There were be a clear right, wrong, and set way to do things and no one would question it. God in black and white isn't a thing either. Whenever my students are engaged in some sort of critical thinking I always remind them to double check their thinking by asking themselves, "Based on what I know about this topic, is my conclusion reasonable?" I don't know about you, but a black and white world does not make reasonable sense based on my own lived experience of life not only in the world but also as a Christ-follower. Neither does a black and white God. My experience with God has been the very opposite of black and white. It has been hard, confusing, and at times full of uncertainty as I wrestle with God in prayer over where He wants me and what He is doing in my life and why. I can say with 100% certainty that many people would say the same.
I'm tired of people trying to make this world a black and white world and our God a black and white God. I'm tired of people being so unwilling to challenge their view of an issue. Do you not realize that this only further marginalizes others? And adds to your own ignorance? We celebrate when people take big bold risks and step out of their comfort zones in faith because we know that's what ultimately makes our faith grow by multitudes. So why are those same people so unwilling to even consider another perspective when it comes to these big issues? If, as a Christian, you care about all people and are seeking to love them as Jesus did yet you are so closed to other perspectives then, well, I'm going to argue that you're doing it wrong. If I'm trying to be a true follower of Jesus then I cannot just see things from my own perspective. It is unjust of me to seek to understand someone else's experience of being human solely from my own limited perspective. It is also unjust of me to form a rock solid opinion on something when I haven't considered all possible options. When I haven't done all possible research. Which is actually kind of impossible now that I think of it. If we are always learning, changing, and growing, there will always be more to discover. Therefore, forming opinions that don't change over time would be unwise. We know that Jesus came for the downtrodden, the marginalized, the ones hated and cast out and harshly judged by society. The ones whom the "elites" of society wouldn't even look at. And we know what Jesus did. He looked at those same people, he LISTENED to them, and then simply said, "Follow me." And yet all week I've read articles from Christians who instead of listening are essentially saying, "No, YOU listen to ME." How can I grow in understanding as I am called to do as a Christ-follower if I decide that one view about something is the "right" view and I won't even so much as glance at something different? As a Christ-follower I am called to grow in my understanding of God and others. So, please let me know if I'm missing something here but I'm pretty sure we can't do that if we hold so tightly onto one school of thought without reaching out to learn from others. Especially those with whom we disagree. We are told to hold fast to what we believe. Well here is what is at the core of what I thought we believed - that Jesus is the son of God. That although he was without sin, He died on a cross for the sins of humanity and then rose again 3 days later. We believe that he is now seated at the right hand of God and that one day he will return. We need to realize that holding fast to anything other than that is problematic. That is the only belief that I'm holding fast to. The only one that I will never sway on. Because how can we hold fast to anything else when everything else but the fact of who Jesus is is ever-changing based on how we progress as a race of humans? We need to start listening more. For the sake of others, ourselves, our faith, and our world. And in light of this week's ruling, it thrills me to be able to conclude that most of us are moving in what I argue to be the right direction. "Right" in this case meaning the direction of love, justice, and understanding. Happy 4th of July weekend. God has certainly blessed America.
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"I swear, you're just like your father." My mom says that probably every day. She doesn't have to swear it though, we all know it to be true. From silly things like spilling and breaking things to the even deeper similarities, it doesn't take anyone long to notice that I'm a pretty clear image of my father. Although smaller, and much more feminine. My father has always provided for me. And still does. Even though I'm (sort of) a grown up now. Both him and my mother have the most generous, loving hearts. Just threw that in here to say that a simple "Thank you", will never be enough. So, with so many similarities there always inevitably comes some tension. Strong personalities and opinions often collide and we may drive one another a little nuts. I mean, he may drive me nuts and I never cause any problems because I am absolutely perfect ; ) , but I still love him. So drink-spilling, dish-breaking clumsiness aside, here are some of the wonderful qualities that I've inherited from this amazing man God gave me as a father. I am so thankful to have been given such a strong, brave role model to shape me into the woman I've become today. A women who won't settle for anything less than the best in all she does and who tries to always love with all her heart. All because that has all been modeled for me so incredibly well for 26 years and counting. I'm thankful for my father's: Two or so weeks from now will mark one year of my start at CrossFit. I feel like a "What I learned from 1 year of CrossFit" post is mandatory when you're a CrossFitter and a blogger. I also just want to write about this because I just really love CrossFit.
A lot of people say that CrossFit has changed their life. I don't know if I can honestly go to that extreme, but I can, without hesitation, say that it has changed me, and has changed me for the better. So, here we go. From 1 year of CrossFit, I learned... 1) Strong is beautiful, and strong feels great too. I thought I was strong before CrossFit, but now? Strong takes on a vastly different definition. It's not about how you look or even about how much you can lift. It's about how you value and take of your body. Similarly, beauty is also not about how you look and no, it's also not about how "it's what's on the inside that really counts". Beauty is the sheer grace and power that comes with being strong and owning that strength both physically ("on the outside") AND mentally/emotionally ("on the inside"). 2) You are stronger than you think you are. Ninety-five percent of the time I walk into class, the goals in my head are way too conservative. Primarily because sometimes I just don't think I can achieve the goals that I really want to. Yet, almost every time I end up lifting more and/or getting more reps or rounds in than I expected. It has taken some time, and I'm still working at it, but I've learned to shut-down that self-doubt almost as soon as I think it. Just remembering what I've already accomplished in that gym is the best reminder of just how much I am capable of. I mean, I started looking into CrossFit two and a half years ago but at first choose to do barre instead because I didn't think I'd make it even one day at CrossFit. Now I have year-end goals like 150# clean and jerk and 115# snatch. Which are not conservative goals for me... Which now brings me to the third thing I've learned... 3) Patience is everything. Snatching makes me want to cry. And it has. There are other movements that frustrate me too (more on that in point #4) but nothing makes me quite as...hm, how to say this... annoyed? irritated? angry? indignant? as snatching. I feel like I've gotten immeasurably better at everything in CrossFit EXCEPT FOR THIS AND IT'S THE WORST FEELING. THE WORST. Yet, I realized the other day that I've made small improvements and that's just how it has to be. I realized that the days I patiently chip away at my weak spots, those are some of the best days I've had in the gym. Isn't that true about life too? We're so much more fulfilled when we patiently work to make ourseves better at something rather than just trying it and having no problems or struggle. Okay, back to CrossFit... So, patience is required to even be good at this particular movement at all. Patience is something I have in abundance for others but not really something I have for myself. Thankfully there are coaches who model that patience with and for me and will say, "Just be patient. Take your time. Your biggest problem patience," over and over and over again for as many times as I need to hear it. Their steady patience calms me down and helps me work on my own. And thankfully there are coaches who also keep believing in me, guiding me, correcting me, extending grace to me no matter how many times it might feel like I'm directing my frustrations towards them :) Now bringing me to #4... Another month has come and gone and now we're half way through the year?? How can that be?!
May was a great month. Full of joys and trials and persevering and hoping. Some doors closed, some news ones started to open and I really focused on being still and patient, and listening more than doing. In May, I... 1) left my 5th graders. Some of them I miss terribly but others...well, let's just say that if I ever see them again it will be too soon. Just being honest. It was a tough 5 months of being thrown headfirst into teaching. But, much like our faith, I found that my teaching practice was definitely best refined through fire. C.S. Lewis wrote, "Experience: the most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God, do you learn." Yeah, he was right. 2) ran a 5K and a Spartan Race! The 5K was super fun. It was for the Madison Education Foundation and I ran with one of my students. She did a superstar job and I'm still so proud of her for not giving up even though she cramped pretty badly! The Spartan was rough. The obstacles weren't too bad but it was on a ski mountain so like 75% of the race was uphill. Terrible. Just terrible. BUT I feel super accomplished and I would totally do another one. Maybe not until next year though... 3) started reading for pleasure again. I <3 reading. Like, a lot. I used to spend the entirety of my Saturdays sitting in one spot and reading a book cover to cover. I still do it now if I can. Those are some of the best days. In June, I will... 1) blog more. Seriously. I wrote two posts last months. 2 posts in 30 days. That's just sad. 2) cheer on friends at the Super Steelfit finals at Jenks!! So proud of my friends and CANNOT wait to see them crush their competition. 3) see Lady Antebellum, Hunter Hayes, and SAM HUNT in concert at PNC this Friday with one of my very best friends and whole reason I even listen to country music in the first place. So happy that she didn't end our friendship when I rolled my eyes at her pick-up truck with country blasting from the open windows. 4) be more prayerful about my the future of my career and ambitions and life goals in general. Last week in the midst of my grandfather's last days on this earth, someone tried to tell me that life sucks. Half-smiling because I didn't know what else to do, I turned, looked at my grandfather and believed with everything in me that life most certainly does not suck. I could so fervently proclaim that very truth, if only to myself, because in that moment, although my grandfather was dying (which, yes really sucked) he also served as an undeniable reminder that life as a whole most certainly does not suck at all. Why? Well, if you knew my grandfather you knew that his whole life was marked by indescribable joy and love. It radiated through everything that he did, each word that he said, and every story that he told to anyone who would listen. He told stories of his life as a businessman that were marked with integrity and respect for every person he worked alongside. His stories of his work with x-ray tubing in the hospital were tainted with tender care and affection for the patients that his work served. His child-like wonder for learning and discovering emanated from the meticulously drawn and labeled cell diagrams and x-ray art he would display for those willing to learn with him. He shared stories about so many things. Stories from a life lived remarkably well. Yet, the heart of his stories were not about the war, or work travels, or the hospital or x-ray machines. At the heart of his stories, were people. This Mother's Day I'm realizing that there a few wise lessons my mother's has instilled in me that I've not only actually fully embraced and lived by, but have begun to pass along to others as well. I think I've almost always lived by them to some degree but as I teacher I find myself instilling this same wisdom into my students and I am more and more realizing the undeniable truth behind them. So, here we go. I will be forever thankful that my mother taught me to: 1. Always have gratitude. She taught this by reminding me to always write thank you notes no matter how big or small the gift. At first it was annoying and tedious. I'd be bored as I wrote but I always realized that by the end, I actually enjoyed writing thank you's. I can't explain it other than to say that it just made me smile. Right now one of my students is writing about how "being kind makes you feel better and also makes others feel better." Well, I've realized that gratitude works the same way. Expressing your gratitude makes you a more truly grateful and, in turn, a more joyful person. How is it May already?! Seriously, where does the time go? In April, I... 1. actually started to seriously train for my half in the fall. I've had some really good running days lately and am genuinely enjoying training. 2. really did look to God more than my circumstances. I feel as soon as I set that goal, God put people in my life who helped me to take a step back from my day-to-day circumstances and look at the bigger picture. Picking my head up out of the mess of my daily problems and looking toward the vastness of God's grace, faithfulness, and love has changed everything once again. 3. wrote one sentence of the book I want to write and bought a book about writing. That's a win on this project as far as I'm concerned. 4. applied to jobs and had two interviews! I'm confident that I will have a job in the fall; I'd just really like the security of knowing where I'll be. In May, I will... 1. leave my teaching position. Back in February I would have been excited about this but I have really grown to love my students; even though they are still obnoxious and drive me completely insane. 2. run a 5K! This Sunday is the Madison Education Foundation 5K. I wasn't planning on running but one of my students needed an adult to run with and I had a moment of weakness and told her I'd be her running buddy. 3. complete a Spartan race. 4. celebrate with Allie at her bachelorette in Niagara Falls! Looking forward to this weekend so much! And after I finish planning and crafting I'll be looking forward to it even more. Flannery O'Connor wrote, "Don't let me ever think, dear God, that I was anything but the instrument for Your story. Just like the typewriter was mine."
Do you ever forget that you're not the one running the show here? That as much choice and freedom as we have over our own lives, we are not ultimately the ones who make the final edits to send our story off to press each day? I'm pretty much the number one offender of thinking that I run my own life. That everything I've accomplished, I've done on my own. Moreover, that everything will happen as I'd like to write it. When I take a step outside of myself to actually look at the story I'm living, it is so blatantly obvious that this 26 year-long (and counting) autobiography, has NEVER played out the way that I tried to originally write it. Thankfully, God has so faithfully cemented a yield sign at every single point in my life where I thought I could re-write the map on my own. When I look back at the road that I would've tripped down had I disregarded those yield signs, I am eternally grateful that I was granted eyes to see the bigger story unfolding outside of my little self and a spirit brave and willing enough to die to my own selfishness. If you told me 7 years ago that I would be writing all of the words that I just did, I wouldn't believe you. I would tell you that God is a controlling dictator who just wants me to "follow the rules" and be a puppet. No, I wouldn't be one of those crazy people. I wrote this back in November 2014 but never posted it or did anything with it. I just needed to write that day. But, oh, how relevant this topic is once again. So looking forward to a restful day tomorrow. My anxiety has come in like a bulldozer over the past month so today I am so full of hope that Jesus will take me over once again as I reflect on who He is and who He tells me I truly am.
With head bowed and empty hands wide open, it was certainly not the first time God had convicted me about how desperately I needed rest. I was at the end of my sufficiency, again. I was overwhelmed, again. Student teaching, graduate school, a part-time job, applying to new jobs, trying to still have a social life; I couldn’t and didn’t want to do it all anymore and I started to doubt that God would ever lead me out of this time where the light at the end of the tunnel barely managed a faint glow. If there’s one thing I thought I believed without fail it’s that God is good and God is faithful, but I started to doubt that He would not delay in lavishing his goodness and faithfulness upon me. Child, you’ve forgotten who you are. As March came to a close I quickly realized I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I had wanted to. Yet, still I can say, "it is well". I am content with the small successes of March and am expectantly anticipating what April will bring. Because being content with what I have actually done is more important than wallowing in what I wanted to achieve but didn't. So here's the monthly look-back plus next months goals! In March, I... 1. Ran... twice. So, check for the "start half marathon training" goal? Don't judge me. It was still cold. And I was sick for two straight weeks. It was a slow three miles to get back into the running groove and, both times, by the end I literally collapsed onto the floor of the porch but, it felt really good to be out there again. 2. Thanks to IF:Equip for launching an Easter study right after the Hebrews study I can check off my goal to stay in the Word! My conclusions from this study: Jesus is without a doubt the real deal. 3. Didn't write chapter one but I did finish the outline. I'm okay with it. Writing has always been a slow process for me. A process that's also full of doubt. Just going to take the progress on this book as it comes. 4. Being sick for two weeks meant birthday fun didn't happen. Oh well. In April, I will... 1. RUN! Seriously. Especially because I have a Spartan Race at the end of May. I'm feeling okay about the obstacles because of CrossFit (I mean, I'll still probably want to die but, whatever) but I'm worried about actually covering distance. 2. Faith goal for April is to look to God more than I look at my circumstances. While dying on the cross Jesus didn't answer his mockers because his ear was tuned to his Father. If Jesus, in his most fully human moment, could tighten his grip on God as the literal weight of the world physically and spiritually tore him from our Father, surely I can do far better than I am right now. 3. Writing goal is to just write something. Literally anything. Even one sentence of this book. I need to focus on building myself up through small goals and successes when I write. Otherwise I get overwhelmed and fearful. 4. Apply to jobs. I hate job searching. Pray for me. Ask me if I'm applying. Hit me over the head if I hesitate. Let me know if you hear of any elementary job openings. Please and thank you. |
Author4th grade teacher. Writer. Justice-seeker. Encourager. CrossFitter. John 11:40. Archives
July 2017
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